Words on a page
This one time someone said “don’t subside fear it keeps you sharp “.
But I don’t fear anymore and im sharper than a rusted nail .
Although I can infect you like on too.
I don’t fear death , ironic it used to be my biggest fear
I don’t fear loss,ironic cause I’ve lost so much
I don’t fear my future or my past.
I’m kinda just floating , in a cloud of rage .
I’m sarcastic , kinda mean , irrational,impulsive„ and non-responsive .
I’m becoming a little crazy but I’ll be alright .
I don’t even care if I’m alone or with friends , sometimes I’m alone with my friends .
I love them I do , but something’s wrong with me ,
Like I have no remorse , I’m numb , like “run a knife down my thick skin ” and I won’t flinch numb .
I’m sad like “they stop making truffles sad”
Im angry like “I see red , angry”
Im hurt like ” I feel off my bike”
Vengeful like “eat my shit”
But yet I shed no tears
My friend asked me why I had been crying , except I hadn’t been .
Maybe Im supposed to cry , maybe it’s there and Its trying to get out .
But then again , crying makes me feel week , over powered , and destroyed .
They ask want me to talk , soy down have a conversation and explain all this . But HOW THE FUCK DO YOU TELL PEOPLE THIS SHIT
Sometimes I’m happy , you know for like a split second , then I’m not .
slick bipolar .
I worry I’m hurting people , and I know I am .
People are worried about me , but I can control how I feel .
Someone once told me that ” holding it all in isn’t good for ”
My response?: lots of shit isn’t good for you .
Why do I care ? They care that’s why .
I care about them .
But I don’t care about the rest .
People are so dramatic to me , so judgemental , automatically too like fucking robots ,
I don’t though it could just be .
I have an attitude ,a bad attitude , and I know it and I don’t care , kinda like it sometimes , when I let it have full control of me , im ruthless , everything I don’t say I will when I’m kind that .
Might be my alter ego call her ” kam”
I don’t know a lot of things anymore but I’m still breathing
Don’t even know why im writing this…
Him mmm……., Guess khayla needed to say something but oh well I guess this might help we’ll see but
I really don’t care .